Sports Heads Soccer Game

Sports Heads: Soccer – Probably the best game of gigantic-head football you’ll ever play

The Best of an Unnecessary Sport

Apart from the exception of perhaps Wayne Rooney’s sizeable head, the magnitude of a player’s cranium hasn’t really ever been a feature I’ve noticed in football games. Hell, it’s not really been a feature that one would notice in pretty much any game of any genre, but sizeable skulls are making a flash-based comeback here in internet town. I would consider myself late to the trend, but with a game like Sports Heads: Football, it is most definitely better late than never, because now I can’t remember ever enjoying a football game that didn’t have players with ridiculously-proportioned cranial appendages. As a game that takes what is in my opinion the only necessary and fun part of football - the goal scoring – and throws the passing, the throw-ins, the injury time, and the rest of the superfluous drivel out of the window of a car, stops, reverses several times over the squashed remains of this football needlessness , and carries on at great speed to pure, goal-scoring paradise ( a place where games like Jumper for Goalposts have their own villas and private sections of coastline).

Football/Pinball

I have chosen (or more accurately, been contractually obliged) to put my disdain for all things sport for one side for the length of this review because Sports Heads: Football has managed to take a sport that I usually detest as a part-time hobby and make it fun to play. Set from a side-view perspective, the aim is simply to score as many goals as possible against the opposition. This is achieved by encouraging the ball into the opponent’s goal as you and one opposing player battle it out in a game of frantic jumping, heading, and flapping about of your tiny football boot in order to get the ball to where you want it to be. The directional controls allow you to move, and the spacebar lets you kick the ball with your tiny foot. Not only can you bounce about and smash the ball in various directions in a distinctly pinball-like style, you can also collect power ups that aid you in your efforts, and also some power-downs that make your life a great deal more difficult. It’s a wondrous game whose simplicity seems to be disproportionate to the insane levels of entertainment derived from it.

I Have the Power

Shaking up the gameplay like a freshly-snapped Polaroid is the inclusion of power-ups that can be collected by kicking the ball directly at them. These power ups range from increasing the size of the opponent’s goal to increasing the size of your already-inflated head to allow you to more readily block the opponent’s shots at your goal. The green-coloured power ups are largely advantageous to you, but collecting the red ones can often lead to a perilous situation, such as collecting one that freezes you in place so that you cannot move left or right, or a power-down that breaks your or slows you down so that kicking and even movement becomes a difficult task. There are also collectables that cause unusual events to happen such as a streaker bouncing around the pitch and getting in the way, or bombs falling from the sky.

Not Your Usual 90 minutes

The rounds in the game are relatively short compared to the usual double-45 procedure of standard football, and usually either play for one minute or until one player reaches a minimum number of goals. Don’t be put off by the short rounds, though: they will likely be the most frantic and fun-filled minutes of your flash-based football career. The amount of fun you will have whilst going up against players like Cristiano Rollover (Cristiano Ronaldo) and Mary Donna (Maradonna) is quite astounding, and there’s also a 2-player mode if you manage to wear out the fun of the main mode too rapidly. Sports Heads Soccer from Mousebreaker is simply too much fun to pass up whether you are a fan or a foe of the sport. 

75/100